A Spark and a Flame

A spark and a flame is still ignited after 35 years

They’ll soon celebrate 35 years of marriage.  After witnessing so many friends and family members make mistakes in their choices, they realize that they were lucky…that their determination to be together in a relationship that wasn’t exactly convenient was worth it.

“Pursue Your Passion, And Don’t Let Anyone Misguide You”

Dash and Danelle are thankful that they did not listen to friends and family. They said there were too many differences to make a relationship work.  In particular, Danelle’s parents questioned her choice in Dash.  Intent on pursuing her passions, Danelle was smart enough to see through their authority on the matter of marriage. While well-intended, it was also misguided.  In one of Danelle’s last conversations with her father, she expressed that she believed he and her mother did not ever fully realize love for each other.  To her surprise, he agreed and expressed regret. While the spark and flame never fully ignited, her parents made the practical decision to marry and the practical decision to stay together.

Breaking the Habit of Limiting Beliefs

Dash saw his parents work day and night, slaving away, missing out in seeing he and his siblings grow up, missing his sports events, missing out on time with each other.  Yet they lived paycheck to paycheck, wondering why life was so hard. His father got a watch when he retired from his corporate job and died four years later.  His mother suffers from dementia. The doctors say long-term high blood pressure and Type 2 diabetes caused it.

Dash’s sister started out pursuing her passion. She had a dream job. Then, the privately owned company she worked for sold. His sister was shown the door.  With her confidence shaken, his sister settled for a job that would pay the bills.  She lives a quiet life wondering what it might have been like if change had not rocked her world. The parents of Dash and his sister were never shy in criticizing her for having too high of expectations. After all, they said, she was just a plain girl.  She grew to believe the same. Without love of self, she could never realize the joy of a spark and a flame in her own life.

On one of their first dates, Danelle told Dash about her time in being a caregiver to her grandfather.  In his dying days, he shared stories about a real-life lady who cared for a child who had severe physical disabilities.  He spoke of the life lessons that this “Anna” had taught everyone in the town where he grew up.  Later, Danelle cared for her father and he spoke of the same woman, recounting many of the same stories. Danelle shared the stories with some friends and inspired them to write a book about Anna.

After reading the books inspired by Anna, Dash could not help but think how different his brother’s life could have been if Anna had been his caregiver.  Dash’s brother was born with special needs.  His parents pitied him and never held any expectation that he could or would become a successful adult.  He lived up to their expectations and died alone of complications from diabetes and alcohol abuse.

While both loved their parents in spite of their flaws, Dash and Danelle decided to change their trajectory.  They sought to be healthy and set a good example for their children.

Sure, they have faults, too.  Yes, they get in arguments with each other sometimes.  Sure, there children are as imperfect as they are.  Life, work and circumstances have indeed tempted their flame to extinguish, but giving up was never an option. The spark that was there at the beginning is still there because they knew it was worth fighting for.